I have been taking these classes from this wonderful person named Stephanie. The concept behind them is based on changing your focus by recognizing that you are already in a state of perfection. This program (based on ‘The Course In Miracles’) is evidence that as this realization becomes more concrete, things start to move and to evolve in a very positive way. Change your mind, change your life.

I had to give something up today. I’d made arrangements to join a healing group with a friend. As the time drew near, however, I found myself getting antsy. I wasn’t sure this was for me. Granted, the idea behind the group is wonderful. It is just that I am in such a state of redefinition, I am not sure what steps to take next. Luckily the friend who invited me to the group supported my decision. So although I lost one opportunity, I found another one to reconnect with myself.

When expectations are removed, openness and gratitude shall remain. Granted, change is challenging. However, without it there is no growth or progress, one remains stagnant (locked into old thoughts and ways of seeing things). The I-Ching says that an obstacle remains only as long as one needs to learn from it. I see now that so many of the challenges I have experienced are necessary for growth.

Yesterday I was at the employment agency taking some tutorials to improve my skills. There were three computers. None of them worked Finally, we got the program to run. Ten minutes after starting, the computer shut down, and wouldn’t start. So I left. When I got home, I had two phone messages; one person wanting a reading, another asking me to teach a class. My true passion is working more in a metaphysical field, and I took today’s events as a sign that what is meant to be cannot be kept from you permanently. And I appreciate seeing this.

Here I am, having an incredible dilemma. I was offered a job, however, I am not sure whether to accept it. On one hand, I need a job. On the other hand, if I take the job, I kind of feel like I am again giving up (like I did last year) due to fear that nothing else will come up. I am so uncertain. It isn’t like I am desperate. However, I want to avoid getting to that point. I have an hour to make a decision. Oh, well, the I-Ching says that when one is uncertain what action to take, no action is best.

‘No More Television’, the first thought I had this morning. Wow, that’s a tough one, however, for me watching TV is such a drug, that I frequently use it instead of dealing with situations which need changing. At least, if I do watch it, I need to focus more on educational, thought-provoking shows. (anything on Animal Planet seems like a wise choice). Anyway, I realize I have substituted things which are growth producing with things that tend to keep me stuck. And although some people do fine with TV, I am not one of them. So: No More Television (or much less of it).

Is that even a term? Well whether or not it is, I have to start accepting some responsibility for where I am right now. I am not a victim of circumstances, and I have given away a lot of my power. I need to take it back. I have allowed myself to be much too dependent on the views of others. The result? I consider a conflict free day to be the only guide for having a good day. This isn’t living. I need to reclaim my power starting now.

Go outside, meditate. Do something you love to do.

I am so scared. I feel like there needs to be more direction in my life. I constantly find myself creating self-imposed limitations. I guess the only solution, is to catch these blocks as they come up, and eliminate them. According to the I-Ching, an obstacle lasts only as long as necessary. Once the lessons have been obtained, there is no need to have them continue. One emerges stronger and wiser.

Today I am totally lost. No idea about the next step. No idea about how much to hold on and how much to let go. I just don’t know anymore. I used to hang on to things which seemed to have sustenance. Most of them, however, were based on outer rather than inner. I feel vulnerable and alone. The bright part? There is only progress and an entirely new perspective. The dark part? (if there is such a thing) Having to let go of things which I (formerly) believed supported me. However, without letting go of the old, there can be nothing new. So I will be fine. Actually, I already am.